Memories

Memories have power. It can be the subtle remnant of the innocent childhood, or could be monsters in the head inspired by real life demons which could haunt and at times even influence one’s present. Childhood is a gift in my opinion, no matter how it was. Be it abundant, luxurious, unfortunate or oppressed, every element of it is an individual seed for growing up. Memories can be simple recollections of all these elements, or sometimes more complicated like associations of the events to the chords it strung inside us. When such associated memories are shared with people, they add value. I still remember particular food items revoking some very sweet memories of school. Chocolate cakes, bashi luchi and chicken, ledikeni etc. remind me of secretly sharing lunch during the first three periods. Basketball during lunch time, kabaddi on school corridors, getting punished for entering the classroom through the window, etc. all have boxes of glory in my head. 

No doubt the sweetest memories are from school. But we grow up and leave all that behind and move on to ‘chase our dreams’. In due course the process builds more such events and associations. More friends, first timers for so many things, first crazy birthday bash away from home, first feeling of living independently, first salary and truly owning things! Those are bliss. 

And then there is cupid’s arrow. There is the first crush, then there comes the first proper commitment. The first pain of loss, self centeredness, possessiveness, the codependence, abuse, losing oneself, etc. feels so real, like there has been no other experience more important. The memories linger for a long long time. Then to our surprise come more experiences, equally important, or at times more important. There is more disappointment, being cheated and more damage. These memories are precious in so many ways. It can either break or make you. They arise from divergent sources, but as the level of maturity treaded the higher path, I realized that all those associated feelings as a result of those memories converge to one point - Self-awareness and self-evaluation. 

These are all attachments of some sort, each of them having special meaning. Its more like objects of affection.  We might have started with a little piece of toy, to a dream career to a dream relationship. They have all, at one point made us strongly believe that we wont be able to live without them. Yet, I have lived. Is it because I have given up on those dreams? Absolutely not. Just that the focus has shifted from those individual objects to the holistic dream. Jobs might change, people might change or leave or can be never attained, but the dreams and aspirations don’t die. One can only keep trying. Maybe one day I will be able to match the object with the dream. If not, I would have a life, full of events contributing to my big box of memories.  None of them should be regretted, because all of it makes me what I am today. No matter how enriched or not I am as a human being, but there is no denying who or what I am.